Its Important that we share our experiences with other people. Your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. When you tell your story, your free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story.
Iyanla Vanzant
While I was writing my new post this quote kept running through my mind. I personally have not talked a lot about the experiences that I have gone through in my life because I have always been afraid of disappointing the ones that mean the most to me, but I realized in order for me to move on and to heal I need to talk about them. I need to finally allow people to know what I have personally have been struggling with so that I can finally have the courage to ask for help not only from people that I am close to but from others that truly can help me through my hard times. Along with this it will help free me from all the doubts, anger, fear, and sadness that I have within myself.
As you all know I am LDS and have been active for about 2 years. Within the 2 years of being active I have struggle with The Law of Chasity. One of the ten commandments that god sees as a very serious sin. I am not proud of this at all. I thought once I got active in the church I would be able to fight all the temptations that Satan would throw at me. Well I was wrong on that part. Satan knows me better than I know myself and he sent me the things I always wanted. Like a boyfriend for example. Being a tattooed LDS girl with a past does not have the boys lining up to date you, I actually would like to say it repels them from you. So when any guy would show interest in me I would do whatever it took to keep them around. As a friend said to me the other night you gave to much of yourself too fast and he was right. I did give to much of myself to them too soon.
I was just so alone and afraid of losing them at the time that doing that was the only way to keep them around. However looking back on it now it didn't keep them around longer. It actually made them leave faster than they came in to my life. Do I regret making the mistakes that I did yes, yes I do, but I do believe I needed to go through those trials in order for me to humble myself to the point of knowing when I need to stay true to what god is asking of me. If I do so he will bring other blessings in to my life. It brings me back to a post I read on Al Fox's blog "I learned that if I continued to put God first, everything else would fall in to place."
Which I totally believe in. I've realized now that I have finally started putting god first, full filling my calling in church, reading my scriptures daily, praying and gaining a overall closer relationship with my father in heaven things are slowly falling in to place. I am not going to lie at times it scares me because it is all still really new to me, but I know that my father in heaven has a plan for me and it is one that I cannot wait to find out. I just have to be patient and see whats in store for me.
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